Hogwarts    ✶    1974 - 1975.

Carina misses her sister.

Gemini would tell her stories she learned from the homeless man down the street, even if they were garbled and difficult to understand. When their mother was at work, it was Gemini who bandaged Carina's wound, it was Gemini who slept next to Carina when the latter was scared of the piercing thunder; it was always her sister, the protector, and Carina, the protected.

For the first time in her life, there is a disconnect. Sure, she has Pandora, her only friend in the castle, but as far as Carina knows, that's all the friends she's ever going to make. People leave her alone for being a half-blood, and it's not like she really minds, because at least they don't hate her.

Some of them throw little glances at her, perhaps suspicions at her parentage. She's been questioned at least five times about her father, the one she claimed to have magical heritage. What is she even supposed to say? The truth?

They, after no success, let her go. And then no one but Pandora talks to her, as if she's been blacklisted from her own house. Which she's fine with, really.

But maybe she's a little lonely. Maybe Pandora will find better friends, and then she'll truly end up sitting alone — at the corner of the table, at the back of class.

For now, however, Pandora sits behind Carina, hands weaving into her hair, braiding strands together. If it was anyone else, her scalp would feel like spiders crawling on her skin — but it's Pandora. Her touch is healing.

"How's Evan?" Carina asks, referring to Pandora's twin brother.

Her voice is soft and unsure. It usually doesn't project, but, of course, Pandora hears her. She pauses braiding, her deft fingers frozen.

"He's a little banged up," Pandora admits. "Quidditch tryouts did a number on him. I told him that if he didn't eat, he'd get tired."

"Well, I hope he feels better."

"Oh, he will, don't worry," she assures, braiding another strand. "I'll probably visit him today. You should come with me."

"Are you sure?" Carina questions. "I don't think Evan's the fondest of me."

"Oh, Rin," Pandora says, "no one could hate you."

She finds herself smiling like an idiot. "You're biased."

"Of course I am," she says, with absolutely no shame. It only makes Carina feel warmer. "You're my best friend."

"And you're mine," Carina replies easily.

Pandora coughs from behind her. "Aw, you're making me blush."

"You said it first —" Carina frowns. "— so you should believe it. We're each other's best friends, and I'm not disappearing anytime soon."

"I'll hold you to that," Pandora says, and then lets go. "There. Finished."

Carina turns around, facing her surprisingly red-faced friend. "Did I make you do too much work?"

"What?" she asks, taken aback.

"You're all red." The brunette pokes a flushed cheek. "Right there."

"Oh," the blonde whispers. "I didn't notice."

Swallowing, Carina's tempted to reach out again, to feel something of Pandora's, now that her hair is lying limp behind her. She's always greedy for something — for warmth, for a touch, and for Pandora.

It's something she'd prefer the other girl never find out. The more Carina stays, the more secrets she's accumulating.

"It's obvious," she returns, throat dry.

"Well, it's because of you."

The world seems to stop. "What?"

"You're always complimenting me, Carina," Pandora continues, and Carina deflates and relaxes at the same time. "It brings my hopes up."

"I'm not lying to you."

And yet, she's lying to a myriad of people, including Pandora.

"Alright. I'll believe you."

She allows herself a small smile. "You'd better."

"Always," she replies, and Carina can't help but notice that Pandora's the one with the last word, the last compliment, the last promise.

It has her relaxing, she has to admit.

– – –

"Hey, Al," Aster Parkinson calls, and Carina flinches. "Rosier! Come sit!"

She feels as if she is floating. Only a month ago, she was relaxed, and life was perhaps more perfect than she'd ever thought it could be.

And then her life, all her secrets, and all her ambitions fell apart with just one news article. Her father refused to help, claiming she herself leaked her own parentage, despite her determination to keep it hidden, all while his wife kicked her from his house.

Sirius watched, then, and Carina noticed his eyes: light-coloured, but lacking any happiness. Regulus observed, too, calculating. And she let them read her soul, then, because there was no need to hide at that moment.

Now, all she wants to do is disappear, especially with everyone's eyes on her.

"We should join her." Pandora's voice is a soft murmur, a contrast to her usual cheer. "Just for today."

"Okay, Dora," Carina murmurs, following her like she follows everyone she's ever loved, because that's all she's ever done. "Just for one day, right?"

Pandora eyes Aster, a blonde whose intentions the girls deduced were too friendly, and whose beliefs were drenched in blood supremacy. "Of course. Just today."

"Nothing to worry about," Carina hums, seating herself next to Aster. "Hello, Aster. How are you doing?"

"You're a Black," Aster says, and Carina flinches as the whispers continue to follow her. "How long have you been hiding it for?"

"I didn't know you kept up with the tabloids," Pandora says coolly, concerned eyes on Carina and no one else. "You've always seemed above mere gossip."

"Don't patronize me," Aster sneers. "I know what I read."

"Do you?"

"Watch it, Rosier," she spits, before turning to Carina. "I want to hear it from her. You're a Black, and everyone knows. A slimy bastard, keeping it a secret. You thought you could get away with it."

"You never asked," Carina says quietly.

Aster's eyes narrow. "What?"

"I said," she repeats, "you never asked. I didn't lie when I said my father was a wizard. As you can see, he is, but maybe not the wizard you expected him to be."

"You're pathetic." A glimmer of malice lingers in her eyes. "You don't belong with any of us. You're not worthy of Slytherin."

"She doesn't need your opinion," Pandora retorts. "You invited us for what? To insult Carina? Just leave her alone, Aster."

The two girls leave, retreating from the scene. Carina catches her brother's eye. Regulus turns away, a boy who'll have a pinch of sympathy but a lack of defense. And then Sirius looks at her, and she falters.

The melancholy in his eyes matches hers. She is the first to look away. Sirius may be her brother, but she doesn't know him — and therefore doesn't need him.

She'll stay away. It'll be better for everyone involved.

"I'm sorry," Pandora says.

"It's not your fault," is her easy reply, before she glances at Aster.

Hatred is a powerful motivator. It is all-consuming. All Carina needed to be afraid of was skepticism, until now. Until the news gives a reason for people in her own house to hate her — until Aster Parkinson is dead-set on seeing her as vermin.

She can already tell that loneliness is something she'll be craving in the next few years, something she'll wish to return to when the hatred stabs her in the stomach. In the heart. In the eyes.

Pandora squeezes her hand. "You should be careful."

"There is no point," she says sullenly. "Aster has it out for me."

"Don't worry, Rin. She'll get over it. Give her a couple of weeks."

Perhaps she's right, Carina can't help but think. Perhaps her cynicism is incorrect, and Aster will redirect her hatred elsewhere.

"Okay," she concedes.

And that is only the beginning.

PUBLISHED ━━━ 02/10/25
chapter 02, for hate is nothing but.